1 June 2014

Say 'Thank You' to Your Ex :)

Law of Abundance in Love: Be grateful to your ex. Many would say 'whaat, he did this he did that, it was all wrong... how can I be grateful to him?' Ok, this is how. They illuminated what you don't want to have in your life. They clarified your vision about what you want by highlighting what you don't want. The one and only reason why relationships fall apart is lack of clarity in all us about what we want in a relationship, what we want from the other person. And this is exactly the role of all of our partners, and this is exactly our role in their lives too: to make it clearer to us what we don't want and to make it clearer to them what they don't want, and in that way to make it clearer what we want and what they want. It is a tough road, and it doesn't have to be that way, but the problem is so many of us have lost the connection with our true essence, our higher self who knows exactly what she/he wants. And because of that broken connection with our true essence we make wrong decisions as to who we get involved with. We think we want something, then we get it - it turns out it's not what we want, but we could not have known that in advance, we could only discover that through our interaction with the other person, by getting what we think we want. The saying 'Be careful what you wish for' exists for that reason. It is not nice getting what we wish for and realising it is not that at all but it is somethng else. So forget about how bad your ex treated you, how wrong they were etc etc, I am sure there is a lot of truth in that, but obtain another perspective: from the very beginning of the relationship - they were what you were looking for and what you wanted on that stage of your life. You got what you wanted. So then it turned out that was not what you wanted, and you discovered completely unknown to you previously things that were actually very important to you to have in a relationship. So then it is not their fault that you have made these realisations and that you in practise have moved the goals posts and have decided that you want different things to what they can give you. It is not their fault. And they served the tough role to make these realisations possible to you. This is why we have to look beyond the micro-dynamics of the relationship - I'm sure on a micro level they did a lot of wrong things. But on a macro level you changed your mind about what you want and they were not able to play ball with you and that is not their fault neither it is your fault. They have helped you to grow and understand yourself better, to figure out your priorities better, to get closer to your inner true essence. They have shown the signs from the very beginning of the relationship about what they can give you and what they can't give you, but you have chosen to get involved because you have chosen to neglect certain aspects of yourself and the needs that go with these aspects. So it turns out later that the needs you have decided to neglect only to be involved with them, are much more important that you thought and appreciated. You thought those needs can be laying dormant for weeks, months years and you thought those needs could be controlled so that you could enjoy your relationship. But then you discovered that they were much more important than you thought, and they were screaming for attention. Ok, so whose fault is it that happened? Let's be honest with ourselves. It is not anyone's job to look after our needs. That's our own job. Our ex brought us closer to acknowledging, valuing, understanding our needs. They did a good job. It is not their fault that we discarded our needs and got involved with them despite knowing that they can't meet our needs. We knew what we were getting ourselves in and we chose to disregard our values and needs. That is our own crime against ourselves or simply unawareness of what we really wanted due to the disconnection from our true essence. Understanding that is important to obtain clarity about our previous relationships, and to see them not as failures but as necessary events that have brought us closer to ourselves and have helped us develop a better relationship with ourselves. Say 'Thank You' to your ex. Make peace with your ex. In your mind will be sufficient. Then go and get what will make you happy and what will meet your long neglected needs. 

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