28 June 2014

Beware the Trojan Horse Type of Man

Someone who makes way to your heart in a peaceful, gentle, compassionate manner, full of grace and softness. You soften, you melt.  He knocks gently. You open the gate of your heart and he enters.  Some time later, a few weeks, you feel different about yourself. You are no longer the confident, buoyant self you used to be.  You feel doubtful of yourself.  You question your value, you question your importance in his life.  Nothing major has happened, there haven't been any big rows, or disagreements.  But more and more visible scratches appear on the surface - some weeds of instability are sprouting through the cracks.  Yes, you feel unstable, not on solid ground at all in this relationship.  One day is good, another day not great, but it was ok, another day is ok again, nothing going wrong.  Then you go to have a bath and you start crying.  You cry and you can't stop.  And you know: you are not loved.  You are not loved.  And then you start thinking - how, when, where these cracks began.  And you go backwards.  Was in the text when he said that he won't be seeing you after your gym session?  You shared with him what a fantastic time you have in the gym and how great you feel about yourself and his face became strangely sour.  Instead of him supporting you and being happy for you that you are doing something positive in your life, he feels inferior to your strength.  Your physical strength, your personality strength.  He feels like shit about himself.  And instead of trying to do something positive for himself he actually tries to bring you down, to make you feel bad, to make you feel like shit - like the way he feels.  He employs invisible strategies to achieve that.  He doesn't tell you anything bad.  He tells you good things.  But strangely he cancels dates at the last minute, or does not call when he has said he would call.  He forgets about dates.  He sends you unaffectionate texts, emails.  He calls briefly claiming that he is in a rush because of work or something else serious.

 Slowly but persistently he erases your feel good factor, day after day, message after message.  It's difficult for you to pin him down.  After all he couldn't talk long because he has work to do.  What kind of girlfriend you are if you are not understanding towards his responsibilities.  He refuses to meet you after your training session when you feel on top of the world - well that may be just a coincidence.  Where is the evidence that something foul is underlying that.  

But your feelings understand and know.  Your heart knows that you got yourself in a unloving relationship or a complex relationship with a messed up destructive person.  Like a criminal in an art gallery he scratches the paintings gently but persistently.  He does not tear the paintings with a knife, he scratches them, erases bits of them, he is a vandal of a sly kind.  He does not want to be caught in anything.  He wants to be left alone to erase and undermine erase and undermine.  He cannot do something drastic.  That will reveal him as weak - showing anger, and sharing openly that he feels insecure in your positive, shining presence. He is too messed up for a direct approach of dealing with his insecurities and inadequacy.  He knows you are too beautiful, too positive for him.  He knows he is struggling to deal with that.  But he does not let you go.  He stays to erase, to undermine, to destabilise, to make you doubt, to make you question, to make you feel unsafe, scared, yes he wants to make you fearful, he wants to see you drink, take drugs, fall down.  He wants to see you fall down, on your knees.  He calls your pride a big ego.  He calls your achievements attempts for self-promotion.  He gives a negative spin to positive things you do in your life.  

Ladies - beware, there are many trojan horses around.  It is not only my experience that made me write this, but prompted by many women sharing the same thoughts.  A colleague got a good job - her husband instead of congratulating her started calling her greedy, and when she will ever stop wanting more and more money.  My daughter's boyfriend told her that she was very boring with her regular going to the gym and asked her: when are you going to stop being so boring?  She replied: 'do you want me to take cocaine so that I'm exciting enough for you?'. At least on that occasion he lost his cool and expressed himself directly which finally made her understand how wrong he was for her.  But previously he worked subversively and slyly to communicate the same things to her.

There are many many many examples of men working underhandedly and subversively to undermine a woman's confidence in herself and pride from her achievements, to make her question her value and worth and what she means to him.  

Beware of those totally wrong men.  They are rotten.  They are beyond correction.  With no one around them to erase, the turn onto themselves.  They erase themselves.  They tend to have alcohol addictions, pornography addictions, drug addictions.  They can't cope with the internal feeling of insecurity and inadequacy within themselves.  But instead of addressing that and doing something intelligent about it, or seeking healing, or benefiting from the healing and positive example you bring in their life, they turn against you, they hate you for being so strong and so positive, because that highlights even more how shit they are.  

My love, gratitude and blessings to all the good, positive and helpful men in my life.  

Om Shanti    

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