Sailing to Peniscola, Spain

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Beware the Trojan Horse Type of Man

Someone who makes way to your heart in a peaceful, gentle, compassionate manner, full of grace and softness. You soften, you melt.  He knocks gently. You open the gate of your heart and he enters.  Some time later, a few weeks, you feel different about yourself. You are no longer the confident, buoyant self you used to be.  You feel doubtful of yourself.  You question your value, you question your importance in his life.  Nothing major has happened, there haven't been any big rows, or disagreements.  But more and more visible scratches appear on the surface - some weeds of instability are sprouting through the cracks.  Yes, you feel unstable, not on solid ground at all in this relationship.  One day is good, another day not great, but it was ok, another day is ok again, nothing going wrong.  Then you go to have a bath and you start crying.  You cry and you can't stop.  And you know: you are not loved.  You are not loved.  And then you start thinking - how, when, where these cracks began.  And you go backwards.  Was in the text when he said that he won't be seeing you after your gym session?  You shared with him what a fantastic time you have in the gym and how great you feel about yourself and his face became strangely sour.  Instead of him supporting you and being happy for you that you are doing something positive in your life, he feels inferior to your strength.  Your physical strength, your personality strength.  He feels like shit about himself.  And instead of trying to do something positive for himself he actually tries to bring you down, to make you feel bad, to make you feel like shit - like the way he feels.  He employs invisible strategies to achieve that.  He doesn't tell you anything bad.  He tells you good things.  But strangely he cancels dates at the last minute, or does not call when he has said he would call.  He forgets about dates.  He sends you unaffectionate texts, emails.  He calls briefly claiming that he is in a rush because of work or something else serious.

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 Slowly but persistently he erases your feel good factor, day after day, message after message.  It's difficult for you to pin him down.  After all he couldn't talk long because he has work to do.  What kind of girlfriend you are if you are not understanding towards his responsibilities.  He refuses to meet you after your training session when you feel on top of the world - well that may be just a coincidence.  Where is the evidence that something foul is underlying that.  

But your feelings understand and know.  Your heart knows that you got yourself in a unloving relationship or a complex relationship with a messed up destructive person.  Like a criminal in an art gallery he scratches the paintings gently but persistently.  He does not tear the paintings with a knife, he scratches them, erases bits of them, he is a vandal of a sly kind.  He does not want to be caught in anything.  He wants to be left alone to erase and undermine erase and undermine.  He cannot do something drastic.  That will reveal him as weak - showing anger, and sharing openly that he feels insecure in your positive, shining presence. He is too messed up for a direct approach of dealing with his insecurities and inadequacy.  He knows you are too beautiful, too positive for him.  He knows he is struggling to deal with that.  But he does not let you go.  He stays to erase, to undermine, to destabilise, to make you doubt, to make you question, to make you feel unsafe, scared, yes he wants to make you fearful, he wants to see you drink, take drugs, fall down.  He wants to see you fall down, on your knees.  He calls your pride a big ego.  He calls your achievements attempts for self-promotion.  He gives a negative spin to positive things you do in your life.  

Ladies - beware, there are many trojan horses around.  It is not only my experience that made me write this, but prompted by many women sharing the same thoughts.  A colleague got a good job - her husband instead of congratulating her started calling her greedy, and when she will ever stop wanting more and more money.  My daughter's boyfriend told her that she was very boring with her regular going to the gym and asked her: when are you going to stop being so boring?  She replied: 'do you want me to take cocaine so that I'm exciting enough for you?'. At least on that occasion he lost his cool and expressed himself directly which finally made her understand how wrong he was for her.  But previously he worked subversively and slyly to communicate the same things to her.

There are many many many examples of men working underhandedly and subversively to undermine a woman's confidence in herself and pride from her achievements, to make her question her value and worth and what she means to him.  

Beware of those totally wrong men.  They are rotten.  They are beyond correction.  With no one around them to erase, the turn onto themselves.  They erase themselves.  They tend to have alcohol addictions, pornography addictions, drug addictions.  They can't cope with the internal feeling of insecurity and inadequacy within themselves.  But instead of addressing that and doing something intelligent about it, or seeking healing, or benefiting from the healing and positive example you bring in their life, they turn against you, they hate you for being so strong and so positive, because that highlights even more how shit they are.  

My love, gratitude and blessings to all the good, positive and helpful men in my life.  

Om Shanti    

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Golden Light Meditation

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Golden Light meditation: sit down comfortably, imagine gold light starts pouring onto you, your hair, it is a liquid gold light. So it pours onto you and it wets your hair, face, neck, shoulders, arms, breasts, back, belly. More and more golden light pours onto you. It wets your entire back, your breasts, belly, your waist, your hips, your legs, your knees, calves, feet, gold light pours onto you more and more and it wets your whole body. It starts washing you, it washes your hair, it washes your face, it washes you neck, it washes your shoulders, it washes your back, it washes your breasts, it washes your belly, the gold light washes your hips, washes your legs, your knees your heels your feet. Liquid gold light washes you and you observe how the gold liquid turns collects all the impurities from your hair, from your body and it turns greyer from the collection of these impurities. Observe how grey it turns, is it just a little bit a tint of grey in the gold or is a darker shade. And you let the gold light wash you until there is no more grey in it and it is pure gold light. After you are washed on the outside then let the gold light enter your body inside. 

More and more golden light pours onto you but now it also enters your body from the top of your head. You observe it how it enters the skull and it starts washing the brain, then it goes to the eye balls, washes the eye balls, then it goes to the throat, washes the throat and then it enters the inside of your body and washes all the organs there in your body. So you continue imagining how it washes every individual organ and you focus on those which you wish. Then after your body inside has been washed there is no more grey in the gold liquid, you go back to the brain and you observe what is happening there and whether there is grey left in the liquid gold that is washing your brain. Imagine that liquid falling away from you, going into a river and the river dissolving the dirty liquid, and taking it away and away from you. So keep doing this until the gold light washing your brain becomes pure gold and there is no more dirt. While washing the brain you observe what the gold light is washing away: a certain memory, a certain prejudice, a certain judgement, a certain lack of faith, you observe them and you know exactly what is being washed away from your brain. To this day after so many meditations of gold light I still see grey in the gold and that shows how useful it is to keep doing it and keep doing it. Om shanti   

The recesses of our minds attract those who try to harm us

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What is worse? Someone being openly rude or someone working to your detriment underhandedly? I much prefer if someone does not like me to keep away from me. But some destructive agents get involved in negative subversive ways, working quietly to undermine you and to create doubts and insecurities within you. Too bad, cos I can spot these from a mile. I stop them in their tracks and I highlight what they had just done. Then I see their reaction. Could be a genuine mistake. Most often - a surprise for being caught so quickly. Have not had these for a long long time, and was just drawing the conclusion that we create our own reality and when we have a clear vision of where we are going, and who we are, then we attract only those who are aligned with our vision and our true authentic selves. But today I met one of those and that tells me - eliminate the weeds whatever left in my mind, if there weren't any I would not be attracting weeds. Still it was a good going, have not met anyone of that kind since December 2013 - an ex working subversively and subliminally to send me in a space of doubting my value and self-worth. A trojan horse - making his way to my heart with songs of beautiful future and opening the gates of my heart gently and without a force, then working slowly, but persistently to erase my confidence and pride. Why? Because I'm disciplined, I work out regularly, I'm fit, and it was getting to him that my training is sacred and a priority. He was so jealous to see me doing well, being liked by everyone. And yesterday my daughter shared that her boyfriend told her that she was boring because she goes to the gym regularly. She told him ok, so to be exciting - should I do cocaine or get drunk?  I strongly advised her to dump him there and then cos this is so horrible when a man dislikes the positivity in a woman and does not feel comfortable to see her doing well. Ladies there are so many of that kind - beware! If a man is not supporting your positive endeavours and gets insecure within himself when you do well - dump him straight away. He has a rotten heart. He got removed from the premises of my heart without a blink. But today a business contact behaved in that way and telling me how much she cared that I succeed but she could not help me, fully knowing that she can help me. It was much better for her soul to have said - sorry but I don't like you and I don't want to help you. That is honest. Clearing meditation tonight. Golden light washing the mind, washing the body. Got to clear out the remaining weeds. And thank you God for all the good and beautiful people I have met since last December. Hare Krishna Jai Jesus Shanti shanti   

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Bilka on Holiday - Sailing at 3 knots, Sant Carles, Spain

Louise Gylsen, Bilka Skincare

Louise Gylsen, Bilka skincare

How is everyone?

I'm on a holiday now, enjoying sailing and visiting unfamiliar ports on the Mediterranean coast of Spain.  

Weather and wind are unpredictable and changeable, and I am learning how to sails at different knots of wind.  This video shows laid-back gliding along at 3 knots which was lucky for us that we weren't in a rush.  But if we wanted to get somewhere - this weak wind would have been a problem.  How to sail at such weak wind?  Well we have a surfing sail which we put later on but I didn't manage to take a picture as the sun got very hot and burned my shoulders. But this is what it looks like - in the pic below.

Abundance Entry Meditation

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This is a very special meditation which I was taught by Christie Marie Sheldon and I have seen how doing it sends me straight in abundance. Expanding oneself. Imagine you are getting as big as your room. Then you are getting as big as your house. Then you are getting as big as your street. Then you are getting as big as your neighbourhood. You are expanding and getting bigger, as big as your town, as big as your country, as big as your continent. As big as the planet Earth. Bigger than out planet. You are getting bigger, viewing our planet, viewing other planets around you. You are as big as the universe. You are expanded. You are expanded. Look around. All the planets, all the stars, all the constellations, are part of you. You encompass all of them. You are expanded. You are expanded. You are expanded. You are expanded. Stay in that place, breathe, enjoy. Stay expanded for as long as you can. You are expanded. You are light. You are everything. Everything is part of you. You are big, you are enormous. You are expanded. You are expanded. Breathe, breathe. Feel the release of pressure from the head. Feel the calming of tension in the eyes. Feel the comfort in the belly. Feel the relaxation in the lungs and heart. Feel the ease in the throat. You are expanded. You are expanded. You are expanded.

Say 'Thank You' to Your Ex :)

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Law of Abundance in Love: Be grateful to your ex. Many would say 'whaat, he did this he did that, it was all wrong... how can I be grateful to him?' Ok, this is how. They illuminated what you don't want to have in your life. They clarified your vision about what you want by highlighting what you don't want. The one and only reason why relationships fall apart is lack of clarity in all us about what we want in a relationship, what we want from the other person. And this is exactly the role of all of our partners, and this is exactly our role in their lives too: to make it clearer to us what we don't want and to make it clearer to them what they don't want, and in that way to make it clearer what we want and what they want. It is a tough road, and it doesn't have to be that way, but the problem is so many of us have lost the connection with our true essence, our higher self who knows exactly what she/he wants. And because of that broken connection with our true essence we make wrong decisions as to who we get involved with. We think we want something, then we get it - it turns out it's not what we want, but we could not have known that in advance, we could only discover that through our interaction with the other person, by getting what we think we want. The saying 'Be careful what you wish for' exists for that reason. It is not nice getting what we wish for and realising it is not that at all but it is somethng else. So forget about how bad your ex treated you, how wrong they were etc etc, I am sure there is a lot of truth in that, but obtain another perspective: from the very beginning of the relationship - they were what you were looking for and what you wanted on that stage of your life. You got what you wanted. So then it turned out that was not what you wanted, and you discovered completely unknown to you previously things that were actually very important to you to have in a relationship. So then it is not their fault that you have made these realisations and that you in practise have moved the goals posts and have decided that you want different things to what they can give you. It is not their fault. And they served the tough role to make these realisations possible to you. This is why we have to look beyond the micro-dynamics of the relationship - I'm sure on a micro level they did a lot of wrong things. But on a macro level you changed your mind about what you want and they were not able to play ball with you and that is not their fault neither it is your fault. They have helped you to grow and understand yourself better, to figure out your priorities better, to get closer to your inner true essence. They have shown the signs from the very beginning of the relationship about what they can give you and what they can't give you, but you have chosen to get involved because you have chosen to neglect certain aspects of yourself and the needs that go with these aspects. So it turns out later that the needs you have decided to neglect only to be involved with them, are much more important that you thought and appreciated. You thought those needs can be laying dormant for weeks, months years and you thought those needs could be controlled so that you could enjoy your relationship. But then you discovered that they were much more important than you thought, and they were screaming for attention. Ok, so whose fault is it that happened? Let's be honest with ourselves. It is not anyone's job to look after our needs. That's our own job. Our ex brought us closer to acknowledging, valuing, understanding our needs. They did a good job. It is not their fault that we discarded our needs and got involved with them despite knowing that they can't meet our needs. We knew what we were getting ourselves in and we chose to disregard our values and needs. That is our own crime against ourselves or simply unawareness of what we really wanted due to the disconnection from our true essence. Understanding that is important to obtain clarity about our previous relationships, and to see them not as failures but as necessary events that have brought us closer to ourselves and have helped us develop a better relationship with ourselves. Say 'Thank You' to your ex. Make peace with your ex. In your mind will be sufficient. Then go and get what will make you happy and what will meet your long neglected needs.